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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  July 24, 2014 2:03am-2:31am PDT

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not only is today the kickoff of the 44th annual comic-con. international in san diego, it's all the batman's 75th birthday. over the years, the brooding guardian of gotham and robin's quote-unquote merpt. has been played by adam west, michael keaton, val kilmer, george clooney, christian bale and this kid. we used to show that on web soup all the time. of course, ben affleck is the next batman, so in honor of the dark knight's 75th, we are thrilled to premiere an exclusive clip from the upcoming "batman v superman: dawn of justice." i hope this is okay. >> wow! >> big time. ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ( applause ) yeah. so good. so dark and brooding. they are right on track with this franchise, i believe.
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or this actually might just be a filipino knockoff. that guy is not the crime fighter manila needs. he's the karaoke star they deserve. comedians, now that the caped crusader is well into retirement age, tell me one of 75-year-old batman's upcoming adventures. jonah ray, go. >> he drives the bat mobile through the gotham city farmer's market. ( laughter ) >> emily gordon, go. >> batman tells the neighborhood kids about how he had to walk in the snow uphill both ways back in the day to fight the joker. >> yes, very good. >> he has to deal with robin's nerve breakdown after he walks in on the justice league lemon party. >> it's time for "@midnight." captioning sponsored by comedy central >> welcome to "@midnight."
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i'm chris hardwick. tonight, we have the creators co-hosts and producers of "the meltdown with jonah & kumail," premiering tonight on comedy after this very show and run, every night for the next 10 weeks. jonah ray, emily gordon and kumail nanjiani. ( cheers and applause ). >> by the way know that it is a show that happens every wednesday night in los angeles. let's start the program. ripped from today's internet headlines, it's rapid refresh. ( cheers and applause ) today, the unholy became real. skies turned dark as sackcloth and the rivers ran red with blood. yes, today is one direction's four-year anniversary. and like a swarm of pre-teen locusts, 1-d fans absolutely decimated twitter with their 1-devotion. their half-dozen worldwide trends included #thankyou1dfor,
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#howiheardabout1d, and #fouryearsagofivestrangersbecame fivebrothers. oh ( bleep ). >> oh, god. ( laughter ) >> are you crying, too. >> yes. >> are you crying too? >> i know you're excited about the others but who is boom naganda. >> boo nakanaganda. and there were plenty of lesser-used 1-d hashtags. which of the following was real? a, #myvaginaloves1d b, #thereisnogodonlyonedirection c, #gimmethat1dick ( laughter ) which would suggest that the five of them just share one dick. ( laughter ) >> no, i get to take it out tonight. jonah. >> b., there is no god only one direction because if there is one direction there is no god. >> i appreciate your logic but i
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believe the correct answer is a, #myvaginaloves1d that could mean a lot of different things. >> i've said it. we've all said it. i will take credit for being the first guy to post pikachu poll. >> i came up with a new hashtag for one direction. one direction you can have my one erection. >> you get no points for being 12 minutes too late. >> the i'm so blank trend where people cop to being eye stereotype from the city, state or country they're from. which is real. i'm so montana my doomsday buncher has a bunker in case my ( bleep ) goes down in the primary bunker. i'm so chicago i got shot 63
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times this weekend. i'm so florida i got a d.u.i. on a fan boat. kumail. >> i'm going to go unfortunately, with b, i'm so chicago i got shot 63 times because montana people can't spell the word primary. >> the correct answer is in fact, b. ( applause ) for bonus points please give us an i'm so blank from your home town, jonah ray. >> i'm so hollywood-- woops. turtle from monterage is calling me. hold on. >> points. >> oh, yeah! the points are back! yeah, i gotta go. i'm doing this dumb thing. >> kumail. you're i'm so blank.
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>> i'm so pakistaned-- do you really want me to finish that? there will be actual trouble. >> i'll give you points for that. that is the end of rapid refresh. and now it's time for tonight's #hashtagwars. ( applause ) if you're traveling down the 5 freeway and wondering why why traffic is at a standstill all the way from l.a. to san diego with carloads full of grown men dressed as obscure justice league of america members, it's because comic-con starts tonight. i'm missing it because i'm here. you think i want to hang here. in honor of the most wonderful time of the year, tonight's hashtag is #comicconbands examples might be. dungeons and imagine dragons, lanyard skynyrd. i'm putting 60 seconds on the
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clock. >> miley cyborg. >> jonah. >> wheedzer. >> yeah, points. jonah ray? >> the grateful walking dead. nice, points. kumail. >> daredevil is blind melon. >> yes well done! jonah ray? >> cold play with myself. >> points. jonah. >> in excel. >> marcy cos playground. >> commodore 64. >> nice, that's a perfect place to end the hashtag wars. send us your #comicconbands and tag them @midnight to keep the game going. we'll be right back with more "@midnight." our tweet-of-the-day from last night's hashtag wars was sent to us by @brainyack524.
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well done.
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we are going to name our vinetern soon. we received a lot of great entries. unfortunately, this 13-year-old is too young to make the cut, but we wanted to give him a shout-out. >> mom i'm hungry. >> have some pizza. >> it's too messy and there are no napkins. >> try an apple. >> well done, joe fisher. get back to us in five years. we'll still be on then. of course, we will. now it's time to play amazon book fair: graphic novel edition. whoever said you couldn't judge a book by its cover had never been a contestant on "@midnight." not only do we not frown upon it. we actually give points for it. since it is comic con i'm going to show you the cover of graphic novel we found on amazon, and i want you to give me the name of the next issue in the series. the adventures of superjew
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>> super jew versus mr. freezing in here. who messes with the thermostat. >> points. >> my favorite is super jew versus the included gratuitiy. >> oh, man! i'm going to feel that one tomorrow. i policy for getting our show canceled. >> i feel like even being near you is going to hurt my career. 100 points for mel gibson. emily. >> the hand that rocks the dreidle. >> oh, so good! so good! next one. the house on horny hill . >> the pg nature of it is very disturbing. there is an uncanny valley.
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>> justin timberlake is going to get it from the rock. ( applause ) >> in this sultry reboot-- emily. >> come with me if you want to... >> i didn't not expect you to go into character on that. next one. ziggy marley's marijuanaman. >> fighting crime-- starting tomorrow. >> yes, yes points. >> i think this is a trick question because he-- the second issue never came out because he forgot to take it to the printer. >> he was getting to it. >> teefs totally going to do it. next one mustang hops: hobo detective. jonah. >> the next one is hobo detective, 2099 robo hobo strikes back.
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>> i'll give you points. >> i did a prequel hobo detective, origin story i was bitten by a radioactive hobo. >> points. kumail. >> hobo detectives -- my parents were also killed in front of me. ( applause ) >> points. yes, points! that brings us to the end of amazon book fair: graphic novel edition. if you want to play along at home, we're going to post a couple of these on our tumblr page so you can come up with your own chapter titles. we'll put our favorite on the show. it's time for our next game, f.m.l. or yolo: comic-con edition. if if you've ever aaattended comic con you know you spend a
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lot of time waiting in line. whether it's to buy an $11 bottle of water or to hear someone ask an eight- minute-long question at the special comic-con edition of f.m.l. or yolo. >> the most serrifying thing is a ph.d. uses those. >> also backpacking dad sounds like a cool version of a dad that leaves the family. bought an r2d2 bathing suit for #sdcc, left it at home. does that mean a bathing suit of r2d2 or a bathing suit radiowould wear? look at r2d2's wally toe.
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>> jonah. >> fml because i'd love to see it. >> let's find out. fml. and just as you said you wanted to see it, how about this? i thought we had a picture of it it. ( laughter ). >> i was so excited. >> my wife is in the other room. >> my wife is right here and i'd love to see it. >> i'd like to see it, too. ( applause ) >> that is the end of fml orioleo, comic-conedition. it's time for our live challenge, mustard gas. >> what do you do with your arms. the playstation 4 game "killzone: shadow fall" is a post-apocalyptic, super violent first-person shooter. they've recently announced some new dlc for the game. new levels? bigger weapons? no. the ability to fart on your opponents.
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comedians, i want you to write a letter to the home front as a solider in a war where the main weapon is farts. . we'll get your answers after the break and be right back with more "@midnight."
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( applause ) >> welcome back to @midnight. before the break, i told you about a new downloadable feature in the playstation 4 war game, "killzone: shadow fall" allowing players to fart on their opponents. or in their general direction.
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i asked you to write a letter to the home front as a soldier in a war where the main weapon is farts. let's hear those letters. emily gordon. >> dear mom and dad, we are running low on supplies. please send broccoli and black coffee. if there's one thing i've learned here, it's that war is silent but deadly. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> kumail. >> my dearest gertrude this morn i bid fair well to a brother in arms. young billy smelled it, but it was fate who dealt it. p.s., this war is called the turd world war. ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> jonah ray. >> dearest abigail. i love the smell of bacon egg
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bruteos in the morning. it smells like... signed your loving husband. corporal j.r rodriguez of the proud farting 25th. >> all right. i think emily got the biggest reaction on that one. i think i have to give her 1,000. 500 for kumail. 250 to jonah ray. that means it's anyone's game. it's time for cringeworthy, comic-con edition. a redditor named box of kangaroos asked other members of the community to try to make him cringe using only three words. we liked the idea so much, we turned it into a came. comic-con isn't all sunshine and special edition booster gold action figures. there's also a seedy underbelly. with that in mind, you have three comic-con related words to make me cringe. every time we cringe you get 250 point.
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>> chris hardwick conflict. >> i'll biff you points for that. >> cling-on blood farts. >> not original box. abbreviating doctor who? >> yes! you're supposed to write the whole world. you do not abbreviate doctor. >> ework circle jerk. >> points. kumail again. >> nancy crase cosplay. >> is she cosplay or cosplaying as nancy gray. >> either one. >> point. >> well, actually-- >> points. >> another indiana jones. >> points. >> costume crotch fungus. >> points to kumail. that means emily, are you in third place. >> oh, no!
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>> that means we have to separate the husband and the wife here and i apologize. >> you know, if you were a real husband you'd go in her place but i guess you don't love her. >> i will. i will. i will do it. the rules don't allow it? too bad. >> emily. you played a wonderful game. do you have any last words before we release you? >> a win for you is a win for me, too so i'm still in it, technically, right kumail, right? right? right? right? >> we have to bathe you in red light. that means it's time for early check-in.ù it's for the win! san diego comic-con draws almost 200,000 people to the seaside city in celebration of all things nerdy. as you can imagine, i look forward to comic-con with the a horny vulcan looking to get
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his green dick all wet on pon farr. but sometimes people accidentally book trips to sunny san diego for what they think will be a fun, relaxing trip to a city rich in maritime tradition. don't believe me? check out this confused old man. he didn't even know what was going on. comedians, with this in mind, please write a vacationing couple's confused tripadvisor review of their visit to san diego during comic-con. we'll have answers and name a winner when we come back on "@midnight." sonic has, like, every slush flavor - someone could ever want. - that's right. this is basically slush headquarters. where sour blue raspberry plans world domination. ( gasps ) what?! announcer: get colorful with new sonic slushes now available with nerds candy. - ( clicks ) - ( phone beeps ) awwww yeah. ♪ everybody here got the lunchtime blues ♪ ♪ they need to be inspired ♪ something better than the rest. ♪ new lipton peach iced tea ♪ ♪ with that ham and cheese
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♪ ♪ it tastes so sunshine-y ♪ [ carl ] ♪ drink it down and you'll believe ♪ ♪ the taste of peachiosity ♪ [robotic sounds] guess what? i'm not a real human man. but i use old spice body wash and deodorant together and now i'm really cool.
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i got it, dudes. oww! i think you crushed some of my ribs. mmmm, you smell amazing. thank you. i'd get off of you but i can't get up. maybe i don't want you to. okay. ( applause ) >> welcome back to "@midnight." it's time for, for the win. i am going to wipe your scores clean-- wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe wipe, wipe-- because it all comes down to this. i will read your answers aloud without revealing who wrote them and the winner will be decided by our live studio audience. before the break, i asked you to write a tripadvisor review of san diego from a vacationing couple that accidentally booked their trip during comic-con.
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live wide and prosper! let's see what you wrote. ( cheers and applause ) it's number two. who is number two. kumail nanjiani! congratulations. watch the "meltdown" it's on right after this wednesday nights with these guys and emily. i'llob next week. we'll see you all tomorrow night when our guests will be kyle kinane, marc maron and sara
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schaefer. until then, keep the game going on twitter by tweeting us @midnight with your #comicconbands and become tomorrow's tweet of the day. see you at comic-con! bye. ♪ chappelle's show, chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ♪ ow! ♪ ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ ♪ whoo-hoo! ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah. ♪ [♪...] let's start the show. [♪...] [cheering and applause...] announcer: dave chappelle...! thank you. what's up, guys? and ladies, excuse me. man, y'all. my album collection just keeps growing. i just got that 50 cent. damn! it's hot! he got the streets on fire. and it's them mix tapes, too that's how he came up, with them mix tapes. but you know what it is? now that he came out with them mix tapes and that dvd he had? and his album? now eve
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